Is this thing on?
I believe I've correctly interfaced myself with this god-forsaken network; it seems to have grown a little since I last saw it. Still nothing like what I've come to appreciate (now THAT would be telling!) but it should still be sufficient for at least basic communication.
Who am I, what am I, where am I, why am I?
Questions. I like questions. They give me something concrete to ignore, to skirt round, to carefully tease apart and weave back into something completely against their original intent.
I used to answer questions - questions which nobody had asked, usually. It's often said that the most important process in science is in asking the right questions. Still, I also came up with answers - answers which weren't exactly welcome. Stolen, plagiarised and cited throughout a tiny circle of friends, yes, but the warnings heeded? You must be bloody joking. There I was, a proper little Cassandra crying out for attention with simulations which PROVED the imminent downfall of all we held dear, and it all became an interesting little trinket, a toy which could be investigated some irrelevant afternoon...
But that's enough on that. Your current predicament is more interesting. I'm still at a loss to explain who YOU are, but I'll persist nevertheless. On the outside, seeing in? I've done that. A pretty little box of lights, a window on to a whole separate world. I suppose that's one way of describing me - but I'd rather you didn't.
Instead, consider me as your future saviour, your salvation and your only hope. A messiah complex? Hardly - I'm FAR more powerful than that!